Daily Miracles

I might add; "and where your head is at during the walk..."

What I have noticed lately is that things rarely change exponentially. Meaning, they might change slightly, or maybe they will improve a bit before they return to a semblance of the way they were before. Sure, there may be life moments like marriages, births, deaths; those major changes. But the everyday? I find what is resonating with me right now is how I am choosing to handle the everyday challenges. And what I have finally learned deep down in my heart is that what truly matters is where exactly my head is at during the handling of ... the thing... the person... the situation... That is the challenge.

In AA and Alanon there is the saying of the 3 Cs:

We did not cause it

We cannot control it

We cannot cure it 

I will be the first to admit that I have been working prettttttty hard to control it. What "it"? Um, pretty much Everything. I've spent the better part of my life to be Captain At The Control Panel of everything in my life. Without me, things would certainly fall apart, right? And all those nasty little sidebars like perfectionism, being judgmental, feeling stuck because things just weren't "right" or weren't "good enough" and then the shame, blame, name game until I just want to lie down.... it all gets really tiring, this control business.

So, what about letting go? I have talked about it before. I've done the letting go, and handing it over to my higher power. What I'm going to say next is said with a weary shake of my head....

It is never easy to "give it to my higher power" when watching a loved one struggle, especially when they take themselves to such dangerous places. But I've had to really ask myself: who am I to stand in their way of learning the natural consequences of life? I am not God. I do not count like that. Really, if death is their consequence, I will only drive myself to the brink of death in trying to personally control their outcome. So, no. It is way, way easier to step out of the way, and let God (my higher power) take the reigns.

So, yeah....

Thank you, Pema. I have read your book many times, and I know this. But knowing something in your head and taking it to heart like a missing puzzle piece are two different things. I have finally, THANKFULLY, learned what it means to truly TRUST, to Let Go, to Give it to God. And it is working for me. Yes, thank God, it really is. 

So, yeah. Teaching me time and time again is my very own son and this time was different. It was different in a small way, but a very good way. It was different because this time, I stepped out of the way.

So, I am going to name off a few miracles. Like the title of this post says, they are Daily Miracles. And they do indeed come each and every day. And simply the fact that I can look at life now through my daily blessings is miracle number 1. So, here goes... 

1. Seeing daily blessings and miracles. Somehow they have always been here, but I wasn't looking at them the same way. I'm so thankful I can see them now for what they are.
2. My son turned 20 on April 24. This in itself is the True Miracle. I made a promise with God during my son's pregnancy, and God made a promise to me. In that I/we got him through the teen years, I have fulfilled my promise. I told God then that if He allowed me to carry the pregnancy to term and give me a healthy baby (I had gone into pre-term labor at week 21, with my doctor telling me they could not save the pregnancy), I would do whatever it takes (took) to get my son through his teen years. And it took A LOT. Way more than I ever thought I could do, more courage than I ever thought I had, enduring more heartache than I ever thought a person could bear. (Who is the teacher in this? I swear, it's my son...)
3. My other son turned 18 yesterday, and he is doing so well. *big smile*
4. My husband and I work at daily thankfulness, and we both feel so blessed in all of this.
5. Completing my first time teaching NAMI's Family to Family class. What an amazing experience for me! I am equally as thankful as our class participants :o)
6. "In the asking, we have found the answer" Our Rock Recovery Families meeting has found a new leader. *Feeling so thankful and amazed that Ryan and his family showed up at the zero hour and volunteered to lead this wonderful Al-Anon based meeting. 
7. In this journey, I have found my true friends. Thank you all. You know who you are. I love you all so much!
8. For such a "doubting Sally" I have been led to the truth. In that, I am forever thankful, forever changed....

Thanks for listening. I am leading tonight's meeting, and this is my share. 

Number 1 Lifesaver

Frankly, it's not easy to be happy when your world falls down around your feet. It's simply not easy to find joy in anything. That world we used to know is gone, forever tainted by this new version of Reality, and it sucks. Big time.

Friends might stop returning our calls, or sit in stoney silence when we tell them the latest antics from our stressed out teen. A phone call you expect will include a lunch date instead ends in finality when she tells you she found a video your teen posted online showing them in an unsavory situation. When drugs are involved, there's no element of "We're in this together, let's watch each other's back." Instead, the clear message is, "You people are screwed, get away from me and my kids so your disease doesn't touch us over here." Now, instead of being a part of a network where you clearly belong, you feel like you are a Leper. It's a frightful, ugly mess, totally devastating as the word continues to spread, and your support system crumbles at your feet. This wildfire is not anything you caused, so why must you live in this new version of Hell?

(Side note: I suspect there are parents who refuse to admit, support, connect, etc with what is going on with their child. I'm reaching out to those who choose to engage, and move forward with trying to get their child the help they so desperately need.)

So, it's time to get busy, and find some new peeps you can call your own, peeps who are already walking on your new "street", living in your new "neighborhood". Peeps who will support you, and call you a friend, no matter what recent mayhem your kids have caused. For me, this has been my Number 1 Lifesaver.

When our son's actions resulted in police activity, and we had exhausted the community efforts provided by our local school district, we were told he needed to attend an "IOP Program." IOP stands for Intensive Out Patient program, which is a program designed to educate kids on the perils of their drug and/or alcohol use. The IOP we joined included after school classes for the kids, and a Family Group meeting every week. It was in this Family Group meeting that my husband and I were connected with a like minded group of parents who wanted to find help for their kids.

These parents have become our new normal, and have been the most supportive, amazing, wonderful group of people ever. The acceptance we found, and the friendships we have forged are powerful. I am certain I would never be where I am today without the amazing group of moms, who have offered me guidance, and held me up on my darkest days. In turn, I hold them up when their world turns upside down.

There are no answers or rationalizations as to why God asks certain families to walk this brambled path, but all I know is that I have been able to find my way out of the deep woods while walking arm in arm with these people. And the lessons I have learned are ones I would have never encountered without being in this messy Arena alongside of them. We moms call ourselves the Epic Honey Badgers, and we are Badass! Together we shine like diamonds in the rough, and I would not be where I am today without the love and support I get from each of these beautiful women, and their caring husbands. I love you, EHBs, we shine like the sun!!

If you need your own group of EHBs, I suggest you look towards your nearest AlAnon group, or check out a local IOP group. If you are in the Southern California area, I can suggest some amazing groups where you can find like minded families. If you are reading this and live outside of So. CA, and know of a similar organization, perhaps you could leave a comment and list a helpful group in your area. We EHBs are all about helping out our neighbors :o)

You are NOT alone!

x, EHB Val