Walking towards recovery

We visited our son last weekend, and he is doing amazingly well. He looks great, seems incredibly healthy, and we saw no sign of depression. He took it upon himself to have a tearful confession with us, and to profusely apologize for his past actions. His words brought our whole family to tears. He is not particularly happy in his current program, but is doing what we ask;  putting one foot in front of the other each day, taking one day at a time, doing what he can to make the best use of his time, and working his program. When you are a reluctant teen, this is asking a lot.

He has been in treatment for one year, one month and one week. (and 3 days, he reminds me)

Statically speaking, the best chance of long term recovery for both the addict and the heavy user is 365 continuous days of sobriety, and 12-18 months is optimal. The brain, especially in males, is not finished developing until the age of 26 (female brain approximately 18 years). If a young person begins using drugs or alcohol before the age of 15, they are at far greater risk for addiction.  It is especially important to note the mean age for experimenting with drug/alcohol usage today is age 13.  Here is the reason why that sucks...

Drug use at a young age actually rewires the young brain for addiction. The longer we can delay our teens from drug or alcohol use of any kind, the greater the chance for full, healthy brain development. The brain develops kind of like a computer, where one task is mastered, and then it goes on to the next task and begins to master that. When drugs and/or alcohol are introduced (and/or trauma, which, when experienced during this critical developmental period, can rewire the brain in the same way exposure by drugs and alcohol does), brain development, particularly in the pleasure centers can actually shut down, the brain will rewire itself to only want more of the substance that gives it immediate pleasure (drugs/alcohol), thereby preventing the brain to develop continuously and normally. 

You may think of someone you know who has perhaps abused drugs or alcohol for a long time? How they may sometimes seem ... um, "inappropriate". Maybe ... all the time-? Yep, that's what I'm talking about.

Pleasure centers in the brain, when governed by drugs, attach all ability to find pleasure to the drug use. Things that made our kids happy before drug use, such as enjoying time with family and friends, playing games, enjoying time at the beach, etc... all these things soon become secondary to drug usage. A brain on drugs lights up, and seemingly, all the troubles in the world are easily solved. Coming off the high means a return of troubling situations, and the brain demands more of the drug. A vicious cycle  ensues, and pleasure, initially long lasting under the effects of the drug, becomes more and more elusive as the brain cries out for more of the drug. The brain is effectively telling the body the only way to find pleasure is to use drugs.

Each month we travel to visit our son, he is new to us. I'd like to say that he's renewed to his former glory, but last year, along with every prior year in his life, he had seizures going off in his brain and he couldn't think clearly. His former glory was always murky, questionable, tenuous, though we knew deep down he is is capable, loving and kind. Drug use and abuse just worsened the murkiness to the level of being intolerable, both for him, and us. Now, the son we see before us is this amazing, knowing, truthful, perceptive kid. He stuns us with all that he is. We feel incredibly blessed to have been able to bring him back from the brink of devastation. He has a life to live, and wants to move forward, living life on life's terms.

We are beyond thankful. We are beyond blessed that we have found 365 days where he could be removed from "life", allow his brain to heal, and introduce new ways for his brain to seek and find pleasure. God is good, so good...

Getting in the know

She told me something I did not want to hear. She said, "He is beyond the help I can offer him, and I think we might be dealing with an addiction here." 

What??? No way. I said this to myself. I probably said something to that effect to her as well.

Then, I walked away from her. She obviously did NOT know what she was talking about. We would manage this, and we would be fine.

That lasted about a week. The managing and being fine. Then, "things" (as they tend to do in this situation) managed to get worse. Not greatly worse, but worse, nonetheless.

So, we signed our son up for IOP. We knew this was a step in the right direction. He wasn't exactly happy. The limits had been set. Things were going to get better now. 

The following week, they got worse. Gravely worse. Very quickly, things were spiraling out of control. All the sudden, we had lots of new things in our lives. Things like...

1. Police activity for drug possession
2. School suspension for both boys
3. Possible expulsion for one
4. General and exhausting watchfulness on the part of both parents
5. Finding various drug paraphernalia hidden around the house
6. Kids not listening to any house rule
7. General mayhem touching every facet of our lives
8. Me feeling like I was going crazy, one little piece at a time
9. Boys living in a tent in the backyard, which was advised by our IOP counselor, the police, and our therapist
10. The school reporting us to CPS... for our boys living in a tent

I guess, for me, this was the beginning of the end. The end of protecting my son in the name of being a managing mother. I found out this is called Enabling. The end of attempting to "look-the-other-way". This was a grave family problem, and something I had to face head on. The end of allowing other people to call the shots. I had to get real with what was happening to our family, and I had to do it quick.

I had to get in the know about dealing with this Ugly Elephant that had moved into our lives: addiction.

February 9th marks the one year anniversary that our son was removed from our home in the middle of the night, and sent into treatment for drug addiction. It is a bittersweet anniversary. For him, he is devastated that he's been away from home for a whole year, though he understands the reason why, and continues to work his program with determination so he can return home. For me, it is one year of him being drug free, and giving his brain a chance to heal, and regrow new brain tissue - one of the best chances of him making a full recovery from drug addiction. It is one year of us asking questions, and finding the necessary answers to get him the help he's so desperately needed. It is one year spent in putting our family back on the right track at home, healing our hearts from all the hurt that drugs caused, and knowing he is safe and getting help while living apart from us. 

Never have I faced as much resistance and rejection as I have in the last year, much of it within my own heart. Dealing with this bully called drug addiction has put a new spin on my life. I have reached deeply to find my way through this, both within myself, and to others who have walked this path. It hasn't been easy. I am now more educated about drug and alcohol addiction. I know more now about brain health. I know the necessary steps for dealing with a wayward teen. And, I am a more compassionate person than I was one year ago. It's taken me a year of learning, and soul searching, but I am happy to report that I am in the know now.

And it's right where I want to be.