Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Getting in the know

She told me something I did not want to hear. She said, "He is beyond the help I can offer him, and I think we might be dealing with an addiction here." 

What??? No way. I said this to myself. I probably said something to that effect to her as well.

Then, I walked away from her. She obviously did NOT know what she was talking about. We would manage this, and we would be fine.

That lasted about a week. The managing and being fine. Then, "things" (as they tend to do in this situation) managed to get worse. Not greatly worse, but worse, nonetheless.

So, we signed our son up for IOP. We knew this was a step in the right direction. He wasn't exactly happy. The limits had been set. Things were going to get better now. 

The following week, they got worse. Gravely worse. Very quickly, things were spiraling out of control. All the sudden, we had lots of new things in our lives. Things like...
  1. Police activity for drug possession
  2. School suspension for both boys
  3. Possible expulsion for one
  4. General and exhausting watchfulness on the part of both parents
  5. Finding various drug paraphernalia hidden around the house
  6. Kids not listening to any house rule
  7. General mayhem touching every facet of our lives
  8. Me feeling like I was going crazy, one little piece at a time
  9. Boys living in a tent in the backyard, which was advised by our IOP counselor, the police, and our therapist
  10. The school reporting us to CPS... for our boys living in a tent
I guess, for me, this was the beginning of the end. The end of protecting my son in the name of being a managing mother. I found out this is called Enabling. The end of attempting to "look-the-other-way". This was a grave family problem, and something I had to face head on. The end of allowing other people to call the shots. I had to get real with what was happening to our family, and I had to do it quick.

I had to get in the know about dealing with this Ugly Elephant that had moved into our lives: addiction.

February 9th marks the one year anniversary that our son was removed from our home in the middle of the night, and sent into treatment for drug addiction. It is a bittersweet anniversary. For him, he is devastated that he's been away from home for a whole year, though he understands the reason why, and continues to work his program with determination so he can return home. For me, it is one year of him being drug free, and giving his brain a chance to heal, and regrow new brain tissue - one of the best chances of him making a full recovery from drug addiction. It is one year of us asking questions, and finding the necessary answers to get him the help he's so desperately needed. It is one year spent in putting our family back on the right track at home, healing our hearts from all the hurt that drugs caused, and knowing he is safe and getting help while living apart from us. 

Never have I faced as much resistance and rejection as I have in the last year, much of it within my own heart. Dealing with this bully called drug addiction has put a new spin on my life. I have reached deeply to find my way through this, both within myself, and to others who have walked this path. It hasn't been easy. I am now more educated about drug and alcohol addiction. I know more now about brain health. I know the necessary steps for dealing with a wayward teen. And, I am a more compassionate person than I was one year ago. It's taken me a year of learning, and soul searching, but I am happy to report that I am in the know now.

And it's right where I want to be.

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