Thursday, June 18, 2015

No Drama Allowed

My husband and I suck at raising teenagers.

There. I said it. 

It's dang true, and I somehow knew this way back when I was a teen, and even though I don't think I was THAT BAD, I did think my brother and sister were. Bad. They were bad on a badness scale. Especially my brother. He was a 9.5... He caused my parents real grief. I know it wasn't his fault, or any of our fault, but my parents split up when my brother and sister and I were teens. 17, 15 and 14 to be exact. And then here was my little brother. He was only 4. It was sad, so sad.

And, I made the decision then that I wanted no part of it. No teen drama in my life. Ever.

Well, that didn't stop my baby making hormones... Though it sure made me think about it. A Lot.

And, now, here we are. With a 19 year old and a 17 year old. Two boys. And the drama? Oh, it's big, it's fat, it's huge. Truly fine drama. Stuff you can write a book on. Good, juicy stuff here. Seriously, any writer stumped on a topic? Get with me. I will give you more than you bargained for. Really. 

I'm trying hard to keep the drama down to one event a day. I can't take much more than that. I used to think that one event a week was too much. That was a few weeks ago. Now, I just start my day with a full on bargain with God. 'Please PLEASE let today be calm. Serene. I need serenity.' And those roommate ads that say "No drama"? (Cause I've been looking at them and dreaming of my son moving out. Yep, I admit it)  I get that. I'm gonna make a sign for my front and back doors, and extras to post all over the house. NO DRAMA ALLOWED. I wonder if that will make a difference? God, I hope so. Please, anything... 

Last week, I met a woman at an out of town class I took. She wore a shirt that her kids had made for her. It said, "Honey Badger Whisperer" I got it. I am an Epic Honey Badger, and I don't give a sh*t, and she and I knew instantly the similar ropes we pull as parents who don't take teen BS. She told me we will get through this, and we will survive. Somehow, doubtfully, I pray for it to be so.

And today's drama? Let's just call it, How my husband chewed out the pot delivery guy for even thinking to come to our house to deliver pot. And how I took photos of him AND his license plate. Medical marihuana, legal smeagle, my ass. Don't you ever come 'round here no more.

So, thanks for listening. I had to get it off my chest.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

In community, part 2

Watercolor by Val Hebert, Quote from Cinderella

In my last post, I made a great deal of progress in my attempt to reconcile the discord in my own head between the NAMI approach and the AL-Anon approach towards living with someone with a co-occurring disorder, often referred to as a dual diagnosis. In fact, I wrote at length about supporting the notion of living in community with a loved one who may be mentally imbalanced and using drugs, and helping them find a way back to healthier living and integrating into society. 

Well, as things panned out- and oh yes, how they pan out when dealing with a co-occurring disorder - I might have to change up my thinking on this. Or, at least, I have to add one caveat:
When making the choice to live in community with those who suffer from a co-occurring diagnosis, it is very wise to make sure the person or people involved are stable*.  
I am not ready to talk about the whole story, but suffice it to say it involves an previously unknown mentally deranged person wielding a golf club, a stabbing, jail, lawyers and courts, charges dropped, community mobilizations, teens staying in my house and being kicked out of my house, angry nasty parents of one teen, the disillusion of the aforementioned "Community", three house moves within a six week period, and more. The drama was unbelievable. Basically, another new chapter in a book that I am somehow supposed to write. I think the book's title will be: "XXXXXXX- xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx". (I decided to hide the name because I like it, and might really need to use it one day).

Yeah... that "in community" thing? it can take down the whole damn family. And fast...

But, there is a good outcome to things that went down too. I think I will save that for the next post.

Thanks for listening,

*stable, meaning they are taking their meds, seeing their doctors, and on a positive path.