2015 has been such an interesting year, a powerful year, and at the end looking back, a year of tremendous growth. Last year at this time, I had a strong inner message, which is challenging to explain. Suffice it to say I listened, and the message I received was this:
"wait. be calm. be open. release control. trust the process. just trust"So I chose the word Trust for my guide word for 2015. And Trust was my mantra for the entire year. When I didn't know what to do, I just waited and I trusted. When things were powerfully tough, I prayed for guidance. And because control is hard for me to release, I prayed a lot. I began praying very specific prayers. I mean I told my Higher Power exactly what I needed, laid out like a text book. Lol, well, a short text book. Really, one can only take so much, right? Even Higher Powers.
When things fall apart, it is normal and natural to grab on and hold as tight as possible to what was.... "What was normal? Give me that back! What used to feel right? I am gonna need that now like my life depends on it. This new reality? Oh man, it sucks BIG TIME. Can I do this? Nope. No, really, I can't."
But, guess what? We can. We can look this new reality in the face. Even though it's the shits... it's real, it's life, and we are living it. Today, we may need to lay low, and even tomorrow too. But eventually, I am gonna need to pick myself up, and look at myself in the mirror. I am gonna have to acknowledge those new lines around my eyes, and the fact that I have cried myself a hundred tears. I am gonna have to take things slow, and give myself grace, treat myself with the sort of kindness I'd use to treat a tiny baby bird. Because when our soul goes through a thrashing, and we find we are in a million shattered pieces, we are the only ones who can pull ourselves back together again. And the first step in doing this is to look at what the heck is really going on - with wide open eyes.
Trust took me in and took me deep. Deep to myself, to my core. And I soon realized that I could do this. I could trust myself to know what to do in the darkness. I could guide myself and family towards a better way, towards a brighter path. But I could never have began properly without establishing an inner relationship with Trust... in my HP, trust in myself, and learn to release the need to control. Whew. It's been a big lesson for me.
And about those specific prayers.... They have been answered in very big, very evident ways. Ways that have blown my mind, and ways that show me my HP is listening to me carefully and closely. So, yeah. Me and my HP, we have reconnected on the basis of Trust. It is so, so very good!
Happy New Year to you and yours. I will be back to let you know what my word and intention is for 2016. It is formulating, I can feel it. And I know it's going to be another awesome year! For me, my husband and both my sons. I can feel it in my bones :o)
PS. And that last post I wrote six months ago? I look at things differently now. I think my husband and I are pretty dang great parents. And we are doing the best we can raising our two boys. The main thing is learning to take care of yourself first. Then, things do actually magically fall into place. Funny how that works.