News about the CYF Liaison and my New Job!

I have big news. BIG.

Since we were last "together" here in this space, I was invited to apply for a job with NAMI San Diego. Now, as you may or may not know, I am a big supporter of the work NAMI does. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has been there for me when my husband and I didn't know where to turn when dealing with our son's illness. NAMI Texas was there for me when I was looking for a helper to assist me with a Guardianship order for my son (read more here). They put me in touch with one of their board members who knew of a lawyer in that area who could help me, and she did. About that time, my husband and I took the Family to Family class, and received a TON of support, education, and learned about becoming an advocate for not only our son, but my husband's brother, who suffers from Schizophrenia. During that period, when I was fighting our insurance company for continued care for our son, I was educated by written literature NAMI supplies on their website. (You know I won a major victory in that fight, right?!)  After taking the Family to Family class, I was invited to become a teacher of this powerfully life changing class, and I gladly accepted. I taught my first class this past Spring, and really have to say that it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Along with my team teacher and the class participants,

We all had the incredibly rich and rewarding experience in working as a group to learn how to best support a loved one who suffers from a debilitating mental illness.

Over the summer, it was brought to my attention that NAMI San Diego would soon be taking over the contract for the CYFL, or the Children, Youth and Family Liaison. The CYF Liaison are the connective helpers between the San Diego County Behavioral Health System of Care and the families who use these services. Supportive services are brought to the public through workshops, training, speakers, blog writing, focus groups and webinars. The CYF Liaison also acts as the Mental Health Service Act (MHSA) resolution point-of-contact for issues within the CYF Behavioral Health System of Care.

I invite you to meet the new Coordinator for the CYFL program: ME!

Honestly, I couldn't be more proud. Here I am after nearly ten years spent advocating for my son in ways I didn't know how, but as a mom will do, I made my way through it as best I could. Here I am after nearly ten years with the lived experience this CYFL program requires as a job prerequisite. (Who even knew this was such a thing?) Here I am after ten years of petitioning for my son as best I knew how, and being invited to bring my knowledge base to other families who are struggling with this very same thing, and searching for answers just like I was. Wow...

So, please know this: the work we do as Moms (and Parents) in the Arena who know what it takes to fight the tough fight is big, important work. Once we learn tools that help our loved ones, and figure out the things that work within our family, we can take this information outside the family arena and bring it to the table of Advocacy. This is powerful and important work, and I am very happy to do this work! :o)

To learn more about the CYF Liaison and NAMI San Diego, please visit our website by clicking here. You can reach us directly via email at CYFLiaison@namisd.org or contact us via phone at (858) 987-2980. You can leave me a comment here and I will make sure your needs are addressed and met. We are here to help!

Recovery Tools

This is me today, however I haven't always been this way. Most every day finds me with a kind heart. When I take care of myself properly, my mind is unstoppably fierce. And brave spirit... well yep, I can call myself that now.

I didn't always have a brave spirit. I was so meek and mild growing up. But I did have one part of me that felt very brave. Once I figured out I could take that part and rely on it, I finally learned that many more parts of me were braver than I thought. Now, I see that braveness can seep into every aspect of my character and finally I am proud to call my spirit "Brave" :o)

In advocacy, I have learned a big dose of being Brave. Once I learned the tools to advocate successfully for myself and my family, my Brave qualities have grown exponentially. Even though I am still working on this in my professional life as an artist, I know in my heart I will get there one day. Of that I am sure.

I have had people tell me I am the bravest and strongest person they know.  I wasn't always like this, let me tell you! How do we get to that Brave Place when we are struggling deeply? My "Tools" are what I use to take me from a place of fearfulness to a place of strength.

How do we get these "Tools"?  

First, we have to put a name to our needs. For me, it was learning as much as I could about my son's disabilities. From there, I did many google searches so I could understand complex terminology and workings of the brain. One thing would lead me to another. Information gathering became the first tool in my tool belt. Even today, I may learn a new piece of information that tags onto old learning. I never waste the chance to stop what I'm doing and check into this new piece of information. Informational gathering takes us from a place of hopeless mystery to the place of knowing.

Second, we have to align ourselves with the right people to help us navigate this new path. I don't take this tool lightly. I firmly believe that in asking, we receive. So, put your desires out there. Name them by speaking them aloud. Write them down, or talk about it with someone you trust. Pay attention to the answers you receive. Answers can come in all forms. Opening a magazine to a page that totally touches on your dilemma is one example. Meeting someone new that is (unbelievably) struggling with your same dilemma is another. Do not cast aside freak experiences to chance! When you ask for answers, you will receive them if you are truly open to finding them.

Third, support groups are your friend. That is were you will meet those people we talked about in Tool 2. Locate support groups that cover your particular situation. Even if you are not sure if it's a good fit for you, go. Sometimes, the group might not cover your exact situation, but someone there might know of a new group for you to try. Other times, you might stumble upon a wealth of information. What is one evening, or 1-2 hours of your time when you could potentially learn so much about how to deal with your dilemma?

Fourth, take a class. This will help you get to the nitty gritty part of the learning about your dilemma. Some classes are free, like NAMI's wonderfully supportive Family to Family class. Other courses might have minimal charges. Contact the website for the cause you are concerned about and ask about any classes they may offer. Consider taking a class offered by your local community college. Can you believe there are organizations that are funded by the government that will pay for you to take a class? Free, people, that means free!

Fifth, don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call. I do want to caution you about saving this step until you have completed Tool 1 (information gathering) and possibly Tool 4 (taking a class). I have picked up the phone and asked to speak to the head of Neuropsychology at a Children's hospital. I have tracked down the top decision maker for my family's insurance company. The most important consideration before doing this is making sure you have full comprehension about your family member's situation. If, for example, they start speaking about a particular brain situation, it would be best that you know a little bit of what they are talking about. You want to use as little of their time as possible, but you want to get your questions answered.

Sixth, speak out. Don't be afraid to share some of what you've learned with others. In our NAMI Family to Family class, we tell our class participants that they are all an expert in what they have had to deal with in supporting their family member. So, that goes for you too. Yes, you. You are an expert in your situation and you can help others with your lived experiences. In my case, I tell people I am always happy to talk with someone who is struggling and help out in any way I can. People helped me when I was first navigating this path, and I was so grateful. It is the least I can do to give back, and help out someone who is just getting started in their information gathering period, or Tool 1 as I like to call it :o)

What tools have worked for you? I'm sure there are so many more. Please post a comment below if you have something to add, so others can hear your voice in all of this as well. And, thank you in advance for caring enough to speak up.

PS. To get your own version of the wonderful print at the top of this post, please visit this link: http://etsy.me/1ZYx4pk

Dream big

Do you dream big? I hope you do! I do dream really big, or at least I try to dream big within reason. Though I wish otherwise, my dreams don't often come true. Take this car, for instance. I've been dreaming BIG about this specific car since I was 16 years old. Shoot! I still don't have it! 

When it comes to a family member's addiction, the dreams can get vivid and downright demanding. At times, I've felt like I would happily deal with the devil just to make this problem of addiction for my son go away. Thank goodness the devil part of this dream hasn't come true. That's one someone I would NOT want to be indebted to! For the record, I am still waiting on the addiction relief part of this dream to come true...

One thing I have learned is that it's okay to dream, and it's okay to ask for what you want to happen. At least in the asking, you are essentially putting your wishes "out there", and if you believe in a higher power, then certainly your wishes will be heard. Here's what the "letting go" portion of the equation looks like for me. 

I ask, and then I get quiet. 

I dream, and then I wait.

I speak my intentions, and then I sit still. 

Ok, I am still sitting still. Still waiting, Still quiet. And in these moments, I am trying to care care of myself. Trying to do what makes my heart happy. Trying to get going in the Studio, and get something done... Trying not to let my thoughts wander over to roller coaster land... (sigh).

Some days it's downright hard. Some days I fail miserably. Usually those days find me reaching out to friends for supportive help. I step out of my regular life with no notice, and hightail it to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. I can be found with my nose glued to my Al-Anon literature, I lose myself in prayer and meditation. These are the things that help me get through the tough days. 

What else helps? I regularly lead meetings at my local Al-Anon meetings. This past weekend, I completed a three day training workshop to become a Family To Family instructor with NAMI. (Learn more here) Reaching out to others who are struggling is also extremely helpful. It grounds me and takes the focus off myself as I reach out to others who are dealing with a similar situation. The other benefit is those people are there for me when I am struggling. 

Today, my son is ok... He left his recent treatment program two weeks ago, and is living with some people he met at the program. He is experiencing the first freedom he's been allowed to have over the last 3 years (with the exception of the 2 months he came home in 2013). He is navigating "life", he says he is taking his medications, he is looking for a job... he met with his new psychiatrist successfully. He says he is staying off drugs, proclaiming he wants to get his life on track, and doing drugs will not take him to where he wants to go. So, that all sounds positive and good. It seems like he is telling the truth... I hope he is....

Really, I just want him to be healthy and safe...

Ok, please excuse me while I get quiet over here.

xx

HUGE Win #4 against my insurance company thanks to the Mental HealthParity Law

Each time our insurance company denies my son the care he needs, and I decide to report them to the CA State Insurance Commissioner for an inappropriate denial, I am stronger and more sure of myself. My immediate cause is more concretely etched in my mind, my words flow more smoothly, and my mind is keen to use any and every possible weapon to support my cause that I can.

My cause is a powerful one. I am a mom fighting for her son's life.

Fortunately, (and in the mysterious ways of the world, plus a caring friend's suggestion), it was put upon my path early in 2014 to attend a NAMI support class with my husband (learn more by clicking here). NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which is an organization that provides the most up-to-date information on mental illness research and findings. My reasons to explore NAMI were many, but primarily to unite together as a family to be able to best support our son with his terrible depression, and addiction issues. We learned so much from this Family to Family group of classes, connected with others who were going through similar trials with loved ones, and found a new tool box for being able to relate to our son. Also, we found better ways to support our younger son during the regular upheavals our family was going through then, and continues to go through to this day. Our NAMI classes lasted for twelve weeks. We also attended a yearly event put on by NAMI called the "NAMI Walk", where we connected with local organizations offering even more support for families dealing with mental illness, and similar disorders of the brain. Powerful, powerful stuff...

So, NAMI is who I credit for fortifying my head with a whole armory of information that supports individuals with mental illness. This is where I learned about the Mental Health Parity Law.

The Federal Parity Law, which, beginning January 1, 2014, was amended and expanded under the Affordable Care Act. The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008 applies to most all forms of health insurance, and states the health plan should provide all medically necessary treatments for severe mental illnesses, including necessary residential care. Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity information sheet as put out by SAMHSA can be found here.

There was absolutely no reason my son should be excluded from receiving the care he needs, for as long as he needs it. And, even though our insurance plan only covers 100 days of residential care each calendar year, the Mental Health Parity Law allowed for my son's residential care coverage BEYOND the 100 day mark! The cost of residential therapeutic care is so incredibly high, and when a family has basically gone bankrupt due to the high cost of this type of care in an effort to help a family member, it is a huge relief that there are government regulated systems in place so a family can get some sort of a financial break. Our cumulative savings for six months of care at this center were just shy of $100,000! That's ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Wow. Just Wow.

These Laws and systems are available to everyone. Every state has a reporting agency for inappropriate actions taken by insurance companies. If your insurance company denies mental health or addiction coverage for a family member, even if your coverage does not specifically cover that type of care, you can fight this denial! Do not be afraid to ask questions, and stand up when things are not right. I never went into this being a whistle blower. I just know the difference between right and wrong. And, who will stand up for my son, his needs, and his rights, when he cannot do it on his own?

My next step? Becoming involved with NAMI in order to advocate for youth who struggle with Dual Disorders of the brain. I want to support these struggling teens and help their families navigate this difficult road. I am ready. I am willing. I will do what I can.

* To read more about the steps I took to fight my insurance company, please read this post: http://themominthearena.blogspot.com/2014/02/how-i-went-up-against-our-insurance.html?m=1